Communication Tips for
Talking About Money in Your Marriage

 

My husband and I have made amazing strides in our finances since getting married two years ago.  We owe a lot of our financial accomplishments to “Financial Dating TM”, where we consistently get together to discuss and make decisions about our finances. This has been so wildly successful for us that I have trademarked this term and created an entire system for helping other couples create financial success.

I’d like to share some conversation tips with you that have been helpful for my husband and me during our money discussions. I think you’ll find them helpful, too.  You may already be familiar with some of these tips, but knowing about them and implementing them are two different things.  And using them when you’re upset is an even greater achievement!  Pick one that you’ll try to use consistently.  Once you’ve got that one down, move on to the next one until you’re using all of them regularly.

1. Listen Effectively

Be the first to listen.  When you’re upset or angry, what you typically want most is for your partner to listen to your side of the story.  What your partner wants most is for you to listen to him. It’s easy to get stuck butting heads, with each partner trying to force the other to listen.  Challenge yourself to be the person who listens first.  Once you’ve listened, your partner will feel better understood and will be more willing to hear your perspective.

Make a commitment not to interrupt.  If your partner interrupts gently point it out, but don’t let the conversation digress into blaming and arguing.  Just uphold your own personal commitment.

Ask your partner if she is willing to listen.  Often when we’re upset all we want to do is vent our uncomfortable feelings as quickly as possible. Instead, ask your partner if she’s willing listen to your concerns. Remember it’s okay for your partner to say no.  Ask if there’s another time she would prefer to talk. If you are receptive to listening, you might want to ask your partner if she would like to share what’s going on with her.

2. Share Thoughtfully

Give your partner a “heads up” and ask for what you need.  Give your partner an idea about what you’d like to share and let him know how you would like him to respond. Don’t assume that he’ll know how you want him to respond.  For example, “I would like you to listen without interrupting.  Just be supportive, and please don’t offer any advice.” 

Allow equal talking time. Be aware if one person is doing most of the talking and strive for balance.  Let your partner know when you’re finished talking. 

After your partner shares, repeat what you heard your partner say. This can be very powerful and connecting.  You don’t have to agree with what your partner said. Just repeat what you hear, making certain that you correctly understood what your partner was saying.  Remember, everyone has a valid perspective. When you are done, ask your partner if you heard him correctly. Give your partner the opportunity to respond and clarify. 

Offer positive feedback.  Find something positive about your partner’s response and share 
it with her.

3. Choose Consciously

Make choices and decisions.  After both of you have had the opportunity to share, work together to brainstorm creative solutions.

About the Author

Leslie Cunningham, CTACC, “The Financial Dating TM Expert,” has over 17 years experience as a service professional, leading groups, presenting, and helping individuals and couples achieve success.  She is dedicated to helping couples build wealthy relationships and turn their money & lifestyle stress into inspired action. 

If you liked today’s issue check out Leslie’s free articles, teleseminars, and workshops, which offer step-by-step guidance on creating wealth & closeness for couples. Learn more now at http://springwindcoaching.com

© 2006 Leslie D. Cunningham

Spring Wind Coaching  |  7781 Nez Perce Dr.  |  Bozeman, MT 59715  |  Phone 406-586-5561

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